the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
