need another drink. this is the easiest way
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
