i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
