my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
