A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
