dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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