Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
