she was so not down for the gang bang
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
