I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
