why didn't you poke me back
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
