I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
