i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
