Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
