go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
