i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
bring money and cleavage
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I still have a little drunk in my system
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
