i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We left the knife in your bed.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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