my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
