I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm both gender and math confused
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
