is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
