Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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