I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
