I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Will exercising make me less horny?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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