im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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