so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
