We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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