This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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