apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
