Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
