He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
nut hugger
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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