dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
