i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
