the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
