Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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