Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
