He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
