I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
