im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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