What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
