Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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