I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
