I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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