my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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