take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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