I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
