And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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