Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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