Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
