last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
