I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Someone shattered a urinal.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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