If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
