question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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