just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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