I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
