i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
